by I emerged back in the Elvyngs’ grimoire-cupboard, seated atop the glass case. Thankfully, the thing was made of sturdy stuff, for I didn’t crash straight through it.
Being dizzy as hell and confused, I did promptly fall off it.
Sadly there was no Jay to catch me.
‘Ouch,’ I wheezed, picking myself up. ‘Too much to hope for a nice, soft carpet—’
‘Ves?’ somebody yelled. ‘Was that you?’
Jay appeared in the doorway, looking harassed.
‘You mean the inelegant thud marking my undignified tumble off this delightful display case, and the ill-natured muttering with which I expressed my dissatisfaction?’
‘Yeah, those.’
‘Because who else could it possibly have been?’
‘Exactly.’
I dusted myself off, rather crossly. ‘Aren’t you going to ask me where I’ve been?’
‘Hadn’t thought it necessary.’
‘Because the story will naturally spill forth in my usual display of verbal diarrhoea?’
Jay just nodded, like, obviously?
I sighed. ‘I went to Merlin’s Secret Lab where I learned almost nothing, but at least the grimoire’s back.’ I peered through the clear glass. Yep, one priceless and elusive spell-book stashed therein. ‘Great. Okay. Does Mr. Elvyng know? Can I call Crystobel?’
‘Merlin’s Secret Lab?’
‘She’s got a between-the-echoes thing. A bit like Baroness Tremayne’s, but cooler.’
‘How did you persuade her to return the grimoire?’
‘I didn’t. She borrowed the book one time, and would’ve returned it sooner, if she hadn’t happened to forget for about a thousand years.’
‘She… forgot.’
‘She’s absent-minded, but who isn’t when you’re wielding the ancient power of a lost age?’
Jay made his incredulous face.
‘You didn’t really think she was Merlin? I guess I didn’t either. But she is. Also her name’s Ophelia.’ Jay clearly getting ready to voice a million questions of his own, I held up a hand. ‘Don’t ask me. She did not choose to tell me what any of that means.’
Jay digested that. ‘And the other items?’ he said.
‘The what— oh, the other stolen things that Sally mentioned? No idea, but they probably ended up in the same place. Whether she borrowed those, too, or decided to keep them, I neither know nor care.’
Jay nodded, eyeing me with a slight frown. ‘Are you okay?’
I ran my hands through my tumbled, jade-green hair, thus casting it into still greater disorder. ‘I don’t know. I feel as though I was just assessed for something, but I don’t know what, and I don’t feel good about it.’
‘Pass or fail?’
What a very Jay question. ‘No clue. Suspect pass, but could be either. And I’m frustrated that I didn’t get any answers to anything else, either.’
‘Well… mission accomplished, right?’ said Jay, putting a hand under my elbow when I displayed a propensity to wobble. ‘We have what we came for. We can move ahead.’
‘True,’ I said, with a deep sigh. ‘True. Yay, we won.’
‘Best detectives ever,’ said Jay, with a small smile.
‘Craziest detectives ever, and more dependent on deception, luck and outright fraud than any self-respecting detective is supposed to be. But hey, if it gets the job done.’ My own smile was rather humourless. I’d have to try harder.
Jay wasn’t fooled. ‘It’ll be okay, Ves,’ he said, giving my arm a friendly squeeze.
I turned troubled eyes on him, unable to feel comforted. ‘Are you sure?’
‘No, but… I have hope.’
‘Care to share some of that hope juice? I seem to be fresh out.’
‘By all means. We’ll start with a cake or six, because you look like you could use the sugar. A barrel or two of wine. Bit of karaoke. And if you aren’t feeling better by the end of all that, I’ll eat my hat.’
‘Which would be quite a sight, I grant you.’ I straightened my spine, took a deep breath, and sallied forth. ‘Onward to victory?’
‘Onward to victory.’
I had the sense to call Crystobel before our party-hard event, not after. She was pleased.
To say the least.
‘You’ve what?’ she said, after I’d dropped the news.
‘Got your grimoire back. All sorted. It’s at home with your father.’
‘Really! Really?’
‘Didn’t you think we would?’
‘I… hoped so, but everyone else we’ve consulted came up with nothing.’
I struggled with myself for a second, but decided to let it pass. If she had set us what she’d thought was an impossible mission in the full expectation that we would fail, well, too bad for her.
Never underestimate the power of a half-deranged Ves and her workaholic sidekick.
‘Who took it?’ she said, which was the question I’d been dreading. ‘And how did they get in?’
Naturally, she needed that information. They’d want to shore up their security, make sure nobody could get a chance at swiping the grimoire again.
‘Well,’ I said slowly. ‘This part gets a little improbable, if you’ll bear with me.’
‘All right…’
‘Merlin took it. Or actually, she just borrowed it back for a bit, and forgot to return it. You should issue her with one hell of an overdue fee.’
If I was hoping the joke would help the dose go down easier, I was deluding myself. ‘Merlin?’ she said sharply. ‘Actually Merlin? That’s absurd.’
And I sighed.
I’d had a debate with Jay before I’d called. Me, I’d been in favour of concocting a more plausible version of events which didn’t involve my having to conquer all of Crystobel’s understandable incredulity and risk a verbal dismembering for being a filthy liar. Jay, of course, was in favour of telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the impossible, ridiculous, who-the-hell-would-believe-me truth, gods damn it.
He won.
So I explained, again, and I was getting a bit tired of lengthy recountings-of-events followed by unlooked-for responses. Merlin had stared at me like she was seeing into the heart of the known universe, and said virtually nothing. Crystobel laughed in my face, only slowly came around to a place where she consented to take me seriously (sort of), and finally rang off in a bit of a huff.
The huff came about because I couldn’t assure her that the grimoire wouldn’t go missing again, or indeed that there was anything she could do about that either.
Really, if Merlin wanted a gateway in the Elvyng mansion so she could occasionally consult the grimoire, then the gateway was going to stay right where it was. Good luck talking her out of it.
I pointed out that Merlin could have just kept the grimoire forever, leaving the Elvyngs short both spell-book and its obscene purchase price, but Crystobel didn’t take that well either.
‘So I should be grateful for mostly retaining ownership over my own property?’ she snapped.
That was the part where I gave up. If I ever saw Merlin again, I’d recommend her to go meet the Elvyngs and have a nice chat about her grimoire. Nothing short of that was going to convince Crystobel (for which I couldn’t truly blame her).
‘It’s been great working with you, Crystobel,’ I said. ‘The Society will send a requisition for the argent soon, okay?’
Fortunately, her sense of professionalism won out over her discontent, and she didn’t spit in my face down the phone. ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I’ll have a shipment ready for you soon.’
Some gracious, mutual (and even vaguely sincere) praise followed, after which I hung up and awarded myself two minutes of deep breathing, with a side of daydreaming about cake and wine.
One last thing to do: call Val. She at least would be happy with us. The grimoire was real! No word of a lie! This of all mythical spell-books was the honest-to-gods truth!
But I was forgetting one small but crucial detail.
‘That’s fantastic Ves, and what did it say?’ were her words upon hearing the news.
Oops.
‘Er, no idea,’ I admitted.
Ominous silence.
‘I didn’t get a chance to read it…’
‘You didn’t read it?’
‘I was sort of distracted, and anyway the bit I saw wasn’t comprehensible, I think it was in a script I don’t know—’
‘Tell me you at least took a picture?’
‘I, uh, didn’t have the chance, but before you kill me remember that Crystobel promised! Promised, Val. If you talk to her I’m sure she will arrange to get you a look at it.’
‘Let’s all hope so,’ she said dangerously, and then she hung up.
And that’s when Jay and I decided we really needed that drink.
Word of warning for you.
Never challenge Jay to a karaoke contest.
Really, I should’ve known. The man’s part Yllanfalen, and I’ve had every possible clue as to the musical genius he’s hiding under those flashy Waymastery skills.
But I’d had some of that wine he mentioned, and I wasn’t thinking clearly by then.
‘Jay,’ I’d said, after he’d favoured us all with a few of my favourite eighties rock anthems. ‘What are you doing with the Society? I mean, what are you even doing? You should be a rock star.’
He was pleased, I could tell. But being Jay, he was also effortlessly cool. ‘I don’t want to be a rock star,’ he said. ‘I want to be the Society Waymaster, and your sidekick, and maybe do a little music magick on the side. Shall we go Home?’
‘I want to sing again,’ I’d thought it wise to declare, and gods help me, I did.
Sometime later, when I’d finished my Mary Bennet routine and consented to be coaxed out the door, I found myself halfway back Home on foot. Barefoot, if you please, and don’t ask me where my sandals went because I haven’t a clue. The silver moon shone brightly upon the quiet country lane along which Jay and I tottered, not quite at the point where we were obliged to prop each other up, but definitely the worse for wear.
‘Your sister’s great,’ I was saying. ‘What a talent.’
‘Which one?’
‘Right. Indira, I meant. She’s amazing. You’re amazing. Is your whole family like that?’
‘Depends who you ask. My parents would say yes.’
‘What about you?’
‘Modesty’s considered socially acceptable, Ves.’
‘All right. Excepting yourself, is your whole family like that?’
‘Yes.’
‘See, that’s what I thought.’ I fell into a short episode of brooding. ‘I wish I’d had a sibling,’ I announced. ‘A sister. I’d have liked that. Hey, maybe she would’ve been amazing, too.’
‘Not a doubt of it,’ said Jay.
‘Maybe I do have a sister,’ I said, struck by a sudden flash of inspiration. ‘My Dad could have hundreds of kids, for all I know.’
‘He could certainly have one or two more,’ Jay allowed. ‘Have you asked him?’
I vigorously shook my head. ‘But I don’t think Indira and I can ever be friends,’ I said.
‘Why not? She likes you.’
‘I like her, too!’ I said earnestly. ‘Only, she doesn’t like Phil Collins.’
‘It’s a failing I’ve often had to speak to her about.’
I nodded sadly. I’d sung three of his greatest hits only an hour or so earlier, or perhaps I should say I’d mangled them. Poor, wonderful songs, they deserved better than me.
‘You’ll have to change her mind,’ Jay persevered. ‘Invite her to a music party.’
‘Not a karaoke party.’
He laughed. ‘You were pretty good, honestly.’
I gave him the side-eye.
He grinned. ‘No, really.’
I put my nose in the air. ‘I may not be a natural pop singer, but Addie loves me.’
‘That she does.’
‘Do you have a unicorn Familiar?’
‘Nope.’
‘There,’ I said, unsure what point it was I thought I had won, but certain of having triumphed at something.
‘There’s Home,’ Jay said, pointing. And indeed, upon the silver-lit horizon of harvest-ready wheat there appeared our beloved House, only the top of the roof visible yet, for we were toiling slowly up a woldy slope.
‘Blessed Home,’ I murmured, delighted to see it. Then, a thought filtered slowly into my wine-fogged brain. ‘Wait. Why is it visible?’
Jay glanced sharply at me. ‘What?’
‘My first time here, I got lost for days looking for it. Because it isn’t visible from this distance.’
Jay frowned. He, of course, hadn’t had much occasion to wander up to the House on foot like this.
‘How did you find it on your first day?’ I asked.
‘Way-henge.’
‘Seriously?’
He nodded. ‘Milady marked it on my app for me.’
If we’d had apps like that a decade ago when I was first rolling up to the Society, things might’ve been different. I certainly wouldn’t have been lost for half of eternity.
But if they had, I might never have met Addie.
‘Come to think of it, though, you’re right,’ said Jay. ‘I don’t usually see it until I’m much closer.’
I looked all around, and behind me, as though something to explain House’s unusual visibility choices might materialise out of the darkness. ‘Do you think we should hurry?’ I suggested.
‘You think there might be something wrong?’
‘Wrong? I don’t know. But something? Definitely.’
Jay took my arm. ‘Well then, let’s get a move on.’
